I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
