the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have post one night stand depression
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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