Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
