It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
