Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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