Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
