So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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