This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
