After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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