I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
