When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
