I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
accomplished twins. life is a go
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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