Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
