i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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