after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
