She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
