So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Randomize
