I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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