clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my being single is dangerous.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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