hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
