dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
