The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
