I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
sarcasm needs its own font
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
