I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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