you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
