I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
