he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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