So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
