God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
