I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
