TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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