Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
