oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
