Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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