You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
