I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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