I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
This toilet bowl is my home.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
