feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
