I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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