is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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