I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
