I haven't been this sober since birth.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
