So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
