At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
