can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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