no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
