I have demons in me.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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