there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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