WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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