she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
