Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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